PTSD - or arte as they call it

I have neglected this blog for several months because, frankly, I have nothing to write about. I haven't been on the road since my last trip to Tagaytay with my friends back in June. I was supposed to leave for my first trip to Hongkong in August and then another trip to Singapore a couple of months back but I begged off because of work. Well, partly. The truth is, I'm scared of travelling. Particularly, I'm scared to be on the road again.

Bravado can only take me so far. But when faced with a real-life situation, I fall into pieces. At least, inside I was. The official diagnosis was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. Wikipedia defines PTSD as:

a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that results in psychological trauma.^[1][2][3] This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one's own or someone else's physical, sexual, or psychological integrity,^[1] overwhelming the individual's ability to cope

(from http://drkathleenyoung.wordpress.com/2010/03/10/complex-ptsd/)

Symptoms include intense negative feelings of  fear, helplessness or horror (check), re-experiencing the original trauma through flashbacks or nightmares (check on flashbacks), avoidance of stimuli associated with trauma (will never ride on a bus ever again) and increased hypervigilance (check. I'm always in a relaxed crash position everytime I ride a motor vehicle. Kung pwede lang magseatbelt pag nakasakay sa tricycle, gagawin ko).

It hurts me when people tell me to "get over it" or conclude that I'm milking my accident whenever I express my fears. It makes me feel maarte or that my feelings are trivial. I have tried to overcome it, I still do in a daily basis. I have stopped talking about my reservations to people and I put a brave front every single day. But it's hard. I feel that in any given second, I will die, and the worse thing is, I feel that everyone I love will die too everytime we're together in the same car. Maybe it's because I witnessed a whole family injured when I had my accident and how painful it is to see a loved one dying before your eyes. I'm not scared to die. I was surprised I didn't die. I don't want anybody else in my family or anybody I know experience what I did.

I guess time will run it's course, just like how my limbs adapted to my new normal. In the meantime, forgive me if I cringe everytime I'm on the road. I'm really trying to be better.

Astoria Staycation

I was invited by my high school friend, Karen, for an overnight staycation at the Astoria Plaza. She has a voucher for a 2-bedroom suite from the timeshare package she purchased recently. I was offered the same deal when I was in Boracay two years ago but I scoffed at the ridiculous price tag. Well, let's see what I missed then.

The unit is very spacious, with a living area, dining table and chairs and fully functioning kitchen. The entertainment console in the living room even includes a DVD player. The design of the place is simple yet relaxing, with earth colors dominating the decor. We had a hard time finding the plates and utensils but that's because there's too many darn cabinets in the kitchen.

After settling in, we proceeded to the pool area on the 5th floor as my inaanak, Karl, wanted to take a dip.

They have a decent-sized lap pool, if not a bit dim lit. They also have a roving guard who admonishes those who doesn't have the proper swim attire and those who are roughhousing. The only downside is they don't have nice lounge chairs around the pool area. The 2 sets of lounge chairs I saw by the poolside are made of Monobloc, as well as the bench I settled with. It would have been nice to have a chair and a table nearby as the adults opted to have coffee as the day turns to dusk.

Astoria is not quite strict as my brother was able to go directly to the elevator without being asked when he came in later that night. We also bought booze and supplies from a nearby Ministop and the people at the reception area didn't even blink at our grocery bags. They even helped us carrying it to our unit.

This is an ideal place for an intimate party as the hotel is not strict with food delivery either. While I was waiting on the lobby, I can see families coming in and out carrying cater trays of food and even deliveries from fast food outlets.

Another member of our barkada, Carol, came later that night and brought work with her. Aside from the desks inside the rooms, they have an executive desk at the foyer. Alas, internet connection was too shabby and I can't also connect to my company VPN. 

Each bedroom has two single beds and an LCD TV. Although the bed is comfy, I was scared of falling off the whole night as I am used to a bigger bed. I got the master bedroom because it has the ensuite bathroom with bathtub. I like the big closet space and ironing board and iron that came with the room. 

We didn't really stayed up too late as we were all exhausted from the day's errands but we managed to get some chikahan in while sipping our alcoholic drinks while the kids are sleeping inside the bedroom. We rarely get the time to be together and these moments are quite precious for us. I feel that we were still the same high school kids with the same big dreams and mischief in our hearts. 

We were quite a bit rushed in the morning as we are trying to catch the breakfast buffet. I don't get the cutoff time for the hotel buffets. I always feel cheated whenever I have to wake up early so I can avail of the meal that comes with my hotel room. 

Since we woke up late and stayed at the cafe for hours, I also felt rushed when taking a bubble bath. I was so looking forward to the bathtub but saved it until the morning because I was so sleepy the night before. Also, the hotel's bathroom amenities did not include a shower gel and I forgot to bring one so I basically used soap water. It wasn't that hard to get in and out of the tub by myself but I did make a mess on the floor because of the water slop. 

All in all, it was a good stay. I am already thinking of booking another 2 bedroom suite for my family's holy week staycation. 

PS - I thought the voucher my friend used was free but it turned out we had to pay Php 6,100 for the stay. I looked at the published rates for the same suite and it's Php 6,500. Can you spell rip-off? I was glad I didn't avail the timeshare offer.